So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
