I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
