I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
