you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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