Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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