i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
