dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize