just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
