do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
