Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
