I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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