I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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