i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
