he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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