Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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