I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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