is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
