i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
