Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
