I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
