I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
