So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
