she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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