Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
