allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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