Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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