Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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