They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize