What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize