you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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