if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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