I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
