I puked a lego.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
