Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
