Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
