I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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