I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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