went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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