bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
