These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
