If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
