I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
