Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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