Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
