I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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