I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
