Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
