My liver just broke up with me...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize