just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
