My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
