so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
