Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
