why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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