Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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