This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
