when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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