Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
