im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
