It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
