Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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