yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize