Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
