wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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