your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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