I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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